Haha

I totally forgot my password for this account and so I clicked on the "Forgot your password?" and they emailed me all the blog names I've signed up for. I received like 14 new emails because of that. Some of the names are funny.. "insearchofaname"

Today... was normal. Went to work afterschool which was fine. I'm so excited to go out using my new eyeshadow trio. The colours are such a pretty neutral and the quality/colour payoff is comparable to MAC, maybe even better.

I've got to study now. Lots of studying. I told my mother about how I might not get into UBC because of how my grades are and now she keeps nagging me about staying home more and studying. As if I don't do that already. She was fine I was going into pharmaceutical sciences until I mentioned that I might not make it that far and settle for something less in the medical field and she totally freaked out about how I'll be surrounded around sick people and told me to go into business instead. Kind of too late to change my whole life plan now. Thaaaanks.

I feel like such a failure.

After talking in English class about careers and whatnot, I kinda feel glad that I'm not alone in this situation but freaking out even more because I don't know what to do. Like I said, my dream job would be a fashion buyer or something but that isn't steady enough for me. There seems to be so much competition in that industry and that it's hard to make it big, you know? And the pattern seems to be like you have to come from money to make your name known to the fashion industry.

What else did I want to say... I miss being young and not worrying about this future and real world crap.

I have to make bio notes now. I suck at reading textbooks. I'll read it but I won't remember it.. It like just goes through my head. Oh well.. when I make notes, I don't have to carry my big textbook around to reference about stuff blahblabhalbha

I like going to work early 'cause I can get my coffee then read before I start. I read 40 pages of 1984!! 40 pages to go. The story is getting better. In the beginning, it was like, "What the hell is going on..." but now I get it.

Here we go again..

So, I've created another blog. I have a journal I write in but I don't have the energy to lift up a pen and start writing nor do I have the energy to think of coherent sentences and then decide if I should write them down.

I don't know anymore. I've been saying that a lot lately. I have no idea. Really. I don't know what I want to do anymore. At the same time, I've got too much to do but I don't know where to start. Do I really want to go into science? Well.. yeah, I do... but Can I? My biggest fear right now is that I won't get in... and I'll have to fall on the backup plan that I don't have.

Did everything just seem to get harder? Or maybe it's because I've been so discouraged I don't want to try anymore? It was so simple to balance everything in Grade 11 but it's like once I "stepped" into Grade 12, everything just get bombarded at you, and everyone wants this and that from you.

I'm just blurting random stuff that probably won't make sense when I'll re-read it later, which I probably won't.

Anyway, what else do I have to get out? I have to go shopping again. What a pain in the ass. I don't mind the purchasing part, it's just the dealing-with-shitty-cs-and-walking-around-the-entire-mall-to-find-what-you're-looking-for part that makes me not like shopping.

I have to call the place I'm doing work experience soon. And think about the things I can wear without freezing in the December weather.